Is your child also being constantly corrected—by well-meaning adults who love them and want to help them grow?

Autistic and Sensitive Kids often experience developmental delays, and the adults in their lives—parents, teachers, and caregivers who care deeply—work hard to get their attention so they can learn. But unintentionally, constant correction and redirection can actually contribute to further dysregulation.

Here is why: constant correction activates the stress response, flooding the brain with cortisol and adrenaline. In this stress state, learning becomes nearly impossible. Your child’s focus narrows, their ability to retain information diminishes, and their emotional regulation deteriorates. So, paradoxically, the very tool we use to help them learn makes learning harder.

A child who is corrected all day long feels inadequate, like they’ve failed, or worse, that they’ve disappointed the people they love most.

Our kids are working so hard to hold it together. They do want to learn. They do want to participate. But sometimes, their nervous system state won’t allow it. Their brain might not be firing correctly. They may be struggling with motor planning, pain, or sensory overload.

And through it all, they are truly doing their best. And so are you. 

Notice What’s Behind Your Urge To Correct

You want the best for your child—so how do you encourage learning without the dysregulation that comes from constant correction?

Underneath a caregiver’s frequent correction, there’s often a judgment and a fear. When we notice what’s driving our need to correct, we can respond more effectively.

The first step is to notice what’s happening inside of us. Ask yourself:

• Does the behavior I’m trying to correct bother me?
• What judgments do I hold about my child’s behavior right now?
• What judgments do I hold about myself when I see this behavior?
• What am I afraid this behavior might lead to?

When we gently explore these questions, without shame or blame, we access a more effective way that invites participation and growth, without the judgment.

Tash’s Dad Story

When I first met Tash’s dad, he told me he was constantly correcting his son. This loving father wanted Tash to engage in “appropriate” ways so he’d be liked by his peers at school.

Throughout the day, Tash would repeatedly ask his classmates questions like:

• “Where do you live?”
• “Do you have a girlfriend? Where does she live? Does she sleep at your house?”

Despite his father’s efforts to stop these questions during school events, the constant correction only made things worse—Tash became more agitated and asked even more questions. His dad felt frustrated and unsure what to do.

Underneath this father’s frustration and constant need to correct his son, eventually he discovered a deeper fear: that Tash would be rejected or asked to leave school. Once he recognized this fear, something powerful shifted.

He began to notice that Tash’s peers weren’t actually bothered by the questions—they often responded with humor and kindness. They’d make up playful answers like:

“I live at the White House!” or “I live at an amusement park!”

This sense of play helped Tash relax and move on with his day. We all learned that humor, lightheartedness, and connection supported Tash far more than correction ever could.

Connection and Playfulness Open The Door To Learning

When we replace correction with connection—through playfulness, compassion, and emotional attunement—our children’s nervous system relaxes.

Play and connection activate the parasympathetic state (out of Stress Mode), where true learning becomes possible. In this state, your child can focus, retain new information, and will associate learning as a positive, joyful experience.

Everyone wins.

What Does Connection Actually Look Like?

Connection-based responses might look like this:

Instead of “Stop running!” try noticing the need behind the behavior. Your child might be seeking movement input as a way to release stress. You could say, “I see you have so much energy right now! Let’s run to the mailbox together,” or “Want to do some big, heavy jumps before we get in the car?” You’re acknowledging their need and finding what works for both of you.

The shift is subtle but powerful: your child will feel supported and loved. You’re meeting them where they are and guiding them forward.

What About Boundaries?

You might be wondering: doesn’t this mean no boundaries? The answer is no.

Boundaries and compassion go hand in hand. You can absolutely have clear expectations while also connecting with your child and helping regulate their nervous system. You set clear boundaries to ensure safety and a reasonable lifestyle for your family. The difference is how you enforce them.

A boundary delivered with calm, ease, and understanding is far more effective than one delivered with frustration.

Check-in With Yourself First

When you notice you are constantly correcting, pause. Take a breath. Notice what you’re feeling underneath—is it frustration, fear, shame, or something else? Even a few seconds of self-awareness can shift your response. You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling XXXX right now. My child and I are doing our best. What does our energy need?”

This simple practice of pausing gives your own nervous system a moment to settle, which makes connection possible.

Try This Week

This week, notice one moment when you feel the urge to correct your child. Pause and explore: Am I judging this behavior? Am I afraid that it might lead to something else?

How can I take care of myself, and emotionally connect with my child right now? Try thinking about something you appreciate about them…

You don’t have to get it perfect—just notice…